Handing Over the Remote

There are a few "rules" between the HOH and me that we have actually formed together. Keep this in mind as I describe to you one seemingly controversial rule that we have embraced. Don't freak out! I have handed the control of my sex over to my husband. I have entrusted him with the responsibility of being it's "keeper".

Stop reading now if you're easily offended, naive, or don't wish to know about my deliciously submissive sex life. It may be surprising, but the following outlines why my sex life is so great, although the concept of his rule might confuse you.

I expect many anti-sub women or even men to tell me this is the epitomy of sexual slavery, but I assure you it is not. I have free will- probably more than you.

Remarkably, when it comes to my HOH and I (whom I lovingly refer to as my darling hubby), I am the more sexually demanding one. Typically we think of the men as being the ones who can never "get enough". But it is actually me who is this way between the two of us. Unfortunately, the only way I can achieve orgasm is with the help of a vibrator, or my "loving hubby". While orgasms are important to all married couples and a healthy, non-shameful activity that should be shared with each other- I have to admit I sometimes cross the line.

Although my HOH loves sex and intimacy with me, he isn't as demanding of it as I am. He has a lot more self discipline and respect. In fact, I am the first to admit that I get out of hand. Sex is a beautiful thing that you deserve to have with your spouse. It is my belief that it is selfish to either withhold it from your spouse, or act upon it when your spouse isn't there to share it with you.

So on the occassion that I decide to pull out my bag of tricks when the HOH is away, it is an act that I should be, and usually am, punished for.

I owe that to my husband, and it is not sexual slavery, because we both acknowledge that he owes it to me as well. He's just a lot better at having the self-disicpline to do so (which is why he's the HOH in the first place ;) )

So yes, I have to admit, our "rule" that we both agreed on and admit the need for is that I need to ask before recieving pleasure. To get me used to it and keep me in this mindset, I also ask even when we are intimate together. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but asking for the permission to orgasm is incredibly submissive. I've found it to be another to be submissive that helps me to grow and bond with my husband. The HOH adores the idea of me handing over the right of my pleasure to him. He has not taken advantage of this gift either. It's a great, respectful way to express to him how very serious I am about being responsible and obedient to him. I assure you, it takes a lot of will power to actually go through with it.

There are even times when I foolishly forget or decide to be a brat and not ask. I'm the one who ends up paying for this. It's me who ends up ashamed and dissappointed in me, not him. In a strange way, I almost feel like it is hurtful too, a slap in the face. Needless to say, I work really hard at this specific aspect of our marriage and have gotten better at it.

Although the nature of this rule seems purely sexual as well, I do want to stress that our domestic discipline lifestyle is not just about sex. I reflect the same obedience (or should) in many other aspects as well. Among his other rules are: asking permission to spend any meaningful amount of money (over $25), asking permission to drink alcohol, asking permission to go out with guy friends or groups. All of these rules have one specific point: for my HOH to protect me. So I submit to them knowing that he's not trying to be a control freak, but take care of me- his precious spouse (awww!) While the rule to ask to have an orgasm doesn't seem like it's protecting me- it is and it's even more important than the others. It's protecting me and my husband by protecting our marriage: it creates respect for our need of intimacy together as husband and wife. I am ashamed that this is something I even have to work at.

Why do I trust him with such a gift? That's easy. I'm blessed to have an HOH who is rather aware and attentive to my needs. Rarely has he ever denied me when were are in bed together. I am always kept satisfied by my lover, my husband.

We also do this to help keep my submission in the bedroom as well as outside of it. I admit I really have to work at remembering not to be selfish, that I need to save that part of myself for him- when we can both be together and enjoy it.

We didn't even have sex until we were married. This is a unique gift that I'm sad not many people get to experience these days. But it's been over a year since our wedding night, and still I am overwhelmed by the need for him to be inside me. It is most magnificent. I often feel like I can never open my legs wide enough to him. Although I am unable, thus far, to orgasm merely by him being inside of me, the sheer feeling of this act is incredibly stimulating. It's empowering to be able to complete him and give him this gift of pleasure with my body. And he always saves himself for me, I'm honored. I have respect for him for this, and so I submit and give him the control and trust him to see to my pleasure as well.

He's better than I am at it.

I can't imagine marriage if we didn't live it like it's supposed to be: a partnership.