My bottom burns!

Emmy is back! With a vengeance!

It's been a long time since I've blogged, but due to the recent demands of the HOH I must keep journal again, so what better way to do it?

My bottom burns! I'm red and sore and it hurts to sit. My HOH took me over his knee about an hour ago. It felt so good, it felt soooo bad. I'm in check now. I'm in place, my manners and inhibitions rule me once again because my HOH took the time to show me what's what!

It comforts me, really, to have him take a firm hand to my backside.

He did it in his usual manner: called me into the bedroom, explained my punishment, had me lay down over his knee and spread my legs. He spanked me 25 times tonite. My bottom is red and sore, but I deserve it.

A few weeks ago he told one of out friends. This is the first friend to find out. He's another guy, also involoved in a relationship. We were out at dinner and he asked us how we keep our relationship so connected and sane. I knew right then that HOH would launch into the deal about our relationship. Our friend was intrigued. He loved the ideas, and openly agreeed that I'm the naughty sort that actually deserves a firm hand and a few swats on the bottom (it was quite humbling : -( but anyway, over now).

HOH told him that maybe sometime down the road I'd agree to demonstrating for him. Basically to have me recieve a discipline in front of him. I'm glad the HOH is awaiting my approval. But it will probably happen sometime soon...

AKWARD.....

I'm 25, not 5!

(That's not my real age, I've hidden most of my personal stats for privacy ;)

~ A couple of times before my HOH and I really embraced the DD lifestyle, we gave it a couple tries and first failed. There were a few things that didn't quite "flow" with the practice. One of these things that hindered me in taking this/him seriously was feeling that I was being talked down to.

There's enforcing obedience & administering punishment, then there's talking down to & treating someone like a child. We were young, and this is something my husband easily confused.

As a wife, and a partner in marriage, I had a problem with hearing my name called out, "Emmmmmy....!" like a child in trouble. When he'd tower over me and use a lyrical tone- in other words "talk down to me", it just didn't work. I lost all respect. You're thinking: this woman is willing to be taken over a knee and spanked but doesn't want to be treated like a child??? Doesn't sound like it makes sense, but it does.

I submit to spankings and my HOH's authority, yes, but that doesn't mean I'm like a child or should be treated like one either. I need to be treated like an adult, which means being held responsible for my actions like an adult. I act childish, yes, but am reprimanded for that- and more harshly than a child would be. The whole point of DD, however, is that I desire, ask for, and submit to being corrected for the good of myself. Children don't do that. Sometimes, I brat, or try and get lose. I am punished even more harshly for that. But just because I might act like a silly child sometimes at my worst and most shameful moments doesn't mean my HOH should reciprocate that. I didn't need a parent, I needed as HUSBAND.

Despite the seemingly monarchial nature of the DD lifestyle, it still in my opinion about partnership. I bless my husband with comfort and care and fullfill his needs. I give him things a child never could. Thus, he honors me and thanks me for it. He appreciates me fore it and it helps him to give me the things I need in a husband. I am not a child to him, I'm a partner, a lover, a best friend. So even though he make take my discipline into his hands, I trust him with this power over me, and embrace it. Likewise, he does not abuse it by treating me in silly ways like this.

Part of what helps me so much is for him to hold me responsible and treat me like the adult I am. When we go out in public, I'm in control of myself. I'm an adult, I make my own choices while respecting my husband (as he does for me), and I need these things. I need a length of independence and trust, which I do have and earn.

This was a hard hump to get over, and when my HOH would slip back into using the degrading, parent/child tone and I felt he wasn't seeing me as a wife, I'd gently remind him of how it made me feel. Though this isn't completely his problem either. The desire for me to not be treated like a child and spoken down to encourages me to be more adult. Thus, I'm am on better behavior because his respect for me is inspiring and I don't want him to go back to treating me this way. To be honest, it makes me much more aware of my disobedience and shame over my actions when my husband address me as his wife. He sees me as an adult, and so I'd better act like one! When he uses his adult voice, towards an adult, and speaks seriously, there is nothing more firm than that. It forces me to remember: I'm a grown up, he's giving me the honor of treating me with respect, and I need to give that back.

~ Just in case any of you women were having the same hang up as we once did. Perhaps not all DD wives feel this way... but it definitely has improved us.

Bedtime

Recently, my HOH came up with a new rule, and it involves my bedtime. On nights that I have to go to work the next morning, I must go to bed with my husband. Likewise, since he leaves earlier than I do, I must get up with him as well.
This is one of my hardest rules to follow- seeing as I am a major sleeper, a night owl, and to say that I'm simply not a morning person is a huge understatement. However, this is one rule I've become very thankful for. It is a good, no- perfect, example of how the rules our HOH's ask their wives to follow are for their own good more than anything else.

You see, while it's hard for me to get up in the morning, and go to bed at a decent hour, it's something I'm in huge need of. When I go to bed late, I sleep late. Which means I get to work late. Which means I'm in trouble. This is my husband's business! It very much involves him. Not to mention, since my HOH does have some pretty good sleeping-time habits, this has an affect on our sex life, which just isn't fair to a partner in marriage.

The other day, I thanked him for this rule. It's helped me more than I realized. It also was great in a little friendly reminder as to why he's the HOH, and I'm the submissive. I do much better on this side, by nature- and I'm not afraid to admit it.

So, this rule was created for my own good mostly, and also to benefit my marriage, and my HOH. Now tell me what's wrong with a rule? The HOH simply has much better self-discipline. To him, going to bed before 11pm isn't a problem, it's easy. So he makes me tag along with him. That's fair enough. And I can't resent him for that, he may have saved me my job. ;)

I'm a Slaaaaave For You

Although Britney Spears can sing a song about it, I can't. This seems to be the area in which most people who come into contact with the D/s relationship have the most trouble.

The simple truth is: I am not a slave. Neither a sex slave, nor any other kind. But if my husband commands me to get over his knee, I do it (ususally...) . This is not part of being a slave, however, to me this is simply part of being his wife.

I want desperately to please my husband, and will follow his commands because I want to and because I need to show him respect. He's proven to me time and time again that he is worthy of my trust and has my best intrests in mind. He is a natural leader, and a loving husband, so I do follow rules he sets out for me because it helps us both. But a slave is someone who is held captive, and sometimes forced to do things she doesn't want to do.

But naturally, my husband- since I am his best friend and his wife- wants me to do these things because I want to. It's called free will. If I didn't have it, then how could he feel I was sincere? Marriage is about selfless love, not forced love. When I do it right, things go really well for us. Marriage is seemingly perfect until I mess up. It's then that although I don't like it in the moment, I want to be taken over his knee because I need to get back to where we were so happy- but I don't know how on my own. Being disciplined helps me find that submission again, and it helps my HOH reinforce his dominance.

I am expected to obey rules and do certain things because I have agreed to this. I also admit, I have a need for this structure. I need my husband's guidance, and am grounded because of it. But even my husband can see how if it was all forced, it wouldn't be real. This needs to be me submitting because it is natural to me, and because it feels good, and because I want to. There are times when it is unpleasant, and I am held down during a discipline because I'm acting like a complete child. However, that's my fault. No one else's. Whenever it's unpleasant- I've noticed- it's because I've made it that way.

So our marriage works in harmony and is structured. At least it is when I'm obedient, and we've been doing this long enough for me to see that we're just so much more happy and loving when I'm obedient and trust my husband and do as he says.

I do not feel like I have no choice in this, or like I am my husband's "slave". Although it may appear that way, I trust him enough to give him my complete submission, and if from there he wants me to do something that pushes my limits and scares me- I should trust him and do it, because he's helping me grow in this. If it's really difficult for me, he has patience and knows I'm only human. Though it all comes down to my submission. With my submission, I give him a greater ability to love and respect me- so instead of being binding I find it to be the opposite: empowering to us both.

Handing Over the Remote

There are a few "rules" between the HOH and me that we have actually formed together. Keep this in mind as I describe to you one seemingly controversial rule that we have embraced. Don't freak out! I have handed the control of my sex over to my husband. I have entrusted him with the responsibility of being it's "keeper".

Stop reading now if you're easily offended, naive, or don't wish to know about my deliciously submissive sex life. It may be surprising, but the following outlines why my sex life is so great, although the concept of his rule might confuse you.

I expect many anti-sub women or even men to tell me this is the epitomy of sexual slavery, but I assure you it is not. I have free will- probably more than you.

Remarkably, when it comes to my HOH and I (whom I lovingly refer to as my darling hubby), I am the more sexually demanding one. Typically we think of the men as being the ones who can never "get enough". But it is actually me who is this way between the two of us. Unfortunately, the only way I can achieve orgasm is with the help of a vibrator, or my "loving hubby". While orgasms are important to all married couples and a healthy, non-shameful activity that should be shared with each other- I have to admit I sometimes cross the line.

Although my HOH loves sex and intimacy with me, he isn't as demanding of it as I am. He has a lot more self discipline and respect. In fact, I am the first to admit that I get out of hand. Sex is a beautiful thing that you deserve to have with your spouse. It is my belief that it is selfish to either withhold it from your spouse, or act upon it when your spouse isn't there to share it with you.

So on the occassion that I decide to pull out my bag of tricks when the HOH is away, it is an act that I should be, and usually am, punished for.

I owe that to my husband, and it is not sexual slavery, because we both acknowledge that he owes it to me as well. He's just a lot better at having the self-disicpline to do so (which is why he's the HOH in the first place ;) )

So yes, I have to admit, our "rule" that we both agreed on and admit the need for is that I need to ask before recieving pleasure. To get me used to it and keep me in this mindset, I also ask even when we are intimate together. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but asking for the permission to orgasm is incredibly submissive. I've found it to be another to be submissive that helps me to grow and bond with my husband. The HOH adores the idea of me handing over the right of my pleasure to him. He has not taken advantage of this gift either. It's a great, respectful way to express to him how very serious I am about being responsible and obedient to him. I assure you, it takes a lot of will power to actually go through with it.

There are even times when I foolishly forget or decide to be a brat and not ask. I'm the one who ends up paying for this. It's me who ends up ashamed and dissappointed in me, not him. In a strange way, I almost feel like it is hurtful too, a slap in the face. Needless to say, I work really hard at this specific aspect of our marriage and have gotten better at it.

Although the nature of this rule seems purely sexual as well, I do want to stress that our domestic discipline lifestyle is not just about sex. I reflect the same obedience (or should) in many other aspects as well. Among his other rules are: asking permission to spend any meaningful amount of money (over $25), asking permission to drink alcohol, asking permission to go out with guy friends or groups. All of these rules have one specific point: for my HOH to protect me. So I submit to them knowing that he's not trying to be a control freak, but take care of me- his precious spouse (awww!) While the rule to ask to have an orgasm doesn't seem like it's protecting me- it is and it's even more important than the others. It's protecting me and my husband by protecting our marriage: it creates respect for our need of intimacy together as husband and wife. I am ashamed that this is something I even have to work at.

Why do I trust him with such a gift? That's easy. I'm blessed to have an HOH who is rather aware and attentive to my needs. Rarely has he ever denied me when were are in bed together. I am always kept satisfied by my lover, my husband.

We also do this to help keep my submission in the bedroom as well as outside of it. I admit I really have to work at remembering not to be selfish, that I need to save that part of myself for him- when we can both be together and enjoy it.

We didn't even have sex until we were married. This is a unique gift that I'm sad not many people get to experience these days. But it's been over a year since our wedding night, and still I am overwhelmed by the need for him to be inside me. It is most magnificent. I often feel like I can never open my legs wide enough to him. Although I am unable, thus far, to orgasm merely by him being inside of me, the sheer feeling of this act is incredibly stimulating. It's empowering to be able to complete him and give him this gift of pleasure with my body. And he always saves himself for me, I'm honored. I have respect for him for this, and so I submit and give him the control and trust him to see to my pleasure as well.

He's better than I am at it.

I can't imagine marriage if we didn't live it like it's supposed to be: a partnership.

The Look

There's a look my HOH gives me, and I just know that another swat is added on. It's like a counter.

In public I tend to sass other people, and am frequently selfish. Sometimes I'll just rudely demand my HOH's attention by pinching him...Or maybe some other careless offense like forgetting to do the chore he pointed out for me.

But at the end of the day, he seems to tally it up and make sure I know where I went wrong. Patiently he'll talk to me in bed, hold me and stroke my cheek while he tells me my offenses if any, and asks whether I see how they were wrong.

Sometimes I'll disagree, he'll listen if he permits me to voice my opinion about my supposed offense and then I either get out of it or I don't. It's about 50-50. Or sometimes I'm not allowed to argue any...

Once he's done talking about it, he tells me quietly to turn over (because I'm probably laying on my back in his arms) and either I do, or I don't and he tells me I earned a couple more. Once on my stomach he lays next to me and wraps his legs around mine. His hand strokes my back and falls towards my bottom where he finds the hem of my panties and pulls it to my thighs. If my hands aren't above my head by then they better get there soon or else it's the wrist straps that are linked together for me! These seem harsh but there have been times where I've intercepted his swats for a friendlier high five.

If my wrists are strapped together I am just more embarassed of my faults, and I am remorseful. The spanking starts and if I lay still for him he alternates cheeks; otherwise, he picks one and goes with it. On the especially stinging ones, I usually whimper or wriggle.

So far, I've never passed 20 (generally I'm a good girl), but I'm sure at some point I will. Once it's over he pulls my panties back up and pulls me close to him and we lay together and talk.

I know it's over for now, until tomorrow, when perhaps I'll get "The Look" again.

Terminology

In my blog and on other DD related sites, you'll run across various terminology. Here's a key to help you decode the lingo:

DD: domestic discipline, the lifestyle couples practice which involves the man taking a dominant role and the female taking a submissive role and accepting punishment and rules from her husband as a means of having a respectful, loving marriage.

HOH: head of the household, typically the male figure in the family is deamed the "head of the household" meaning he makes the decisions, is a leader, and lovingly guides his family with the help and trusting support of his submissive, nurturing wife.

DH: dear/darling/dumb/etc. husband, DH isn't just a DD term, many women use it online as a short for "husband". Most of the time it means dear husband, but it has also been known to describe dumb husband and a couple other four letter words- so for the most part, DDers stick to HOH.

D/s: dominating/submission or dominator/submissive, another term used to define the type of lifestyle in which a couple has a dominant partner and a submissive partner who play out these roles in daily life. The D is capitalized while the s is left lower case in symbolism of their roles in the relationship.

Fetish: a sexual obsession. I don't describe DD as a fetish because it is NOT a sex thing. Although sex is a big part of our relationship, and naturally yes we bring my submission and HOH's dominance in the bedroom, it's our lifestyle. A fetish describes more of a sexual preoccupation with certain objects or fantasies.

BDSM: bondage/ discipline (or sometimes dominance)/ sadism/ masochism, a sexual fetish which involves elements of the four factors listed (sadism, masochism, etc.). Please note: my HOH and I do not practice BDSM, nor do we agree with it's typical practices. Most DD dites will clarify that they are not BDSM. Most of those couples that practice DD will tell you that BDSM is a very different idea, mostly a fetish in the bedroom only, whereas DD is a lifestyle designed to promote and create a healthy marriage/relationship through loving discipline.

Maledom: male domination, this term is typically only used in the world of BDSM or along with fetishes, but it basically describes the practice of, duh?, male domination.

Femdom: female domination, also typically only used with BDSM and fetishes.

Maintenance Spankings: these are spankings, or other sometimes other forms of maintenance punsihments, that are used by the HOH to help his wife remember she is held accountable for her actions during every day life. An HOH may give his submissive wife a spanking in the morning before he leaves for work, even if she has done nothing to deserve it, simply to show her he is serious about her being obedient even when he is away. Some HOHs schedule these once a week or some administer them only when they feel it's necessary. Most submissive wives agree to spankings/punishment even when they haven't done anything wrong (yet) because they know it helps them look up to their HOH and realize he will enforce the rules if she choses to break them.

Figging: although we've never practiced this because we believe the anal area sensitive and easily injured, this practice is used by some HOHs as a form of painful punishment. Figging is when a peeled ginger root is placed in the anus to promote a stinging, painful sensation. If you are interested in trying this, I suggest you do your research as to not injure yourself or your wife. Thankfully, my HOH thinks it's a silly for of punishment that we wouldn't be able to take seriously.

If you have another term you don't see listed here but would like explained, please post a comment and I'd be happy to list it.