8.26.2005

I'm 25, not 5!

(That's not my real age, I've hidden most of my personal stats for privacy ;)

~ A couple of times before my HOH and I really embraced the DD lifestyle, we gave it a couple tries and first failed. There were a few things that didn't quite "flow" with the practice. One of these things that hindered me in taking this/him seriously was feeling that I was being talked down to.

There's enforcing obedience & administering punishment, then there's talking down to & treating someone like a child. We were young, and this is something my husband easily confused.

As a wife, and a partner in marriage, I had a problem with hearing my name called out, "Emmmmmy....!" like a child in trouble. When he'd tower over me and use a lyrical tone- in other words "talk down to me", it just didn't work. I lost all respect. You're thinking: this woman is willing to be taken over a knee and spanked but doesn't want to be treated like a child??? Doesn't sound like it makes sense, but it does.

I submit to spankings and my HOH's authority, yes, but that doesn't mean I'm like a child or should be treated like one either. I need to be treated like an adult, which means being held responsible for my actions like an adult. I act childish, yes, but am reprimanded for that- and more harshly than a child would be. The whole point of DD, however, is that I desire, ask for, and submit to being corrected for the good of myself. Children don't do that. Sometimes, I brat, or try and get lose. I am punished even more harshly for that. But just because I might act like a silly child sometimes at my worst and most shameful moments doesn't mean my HOH should reciprocate that. I didn't need a parent, I needed as HUSBAND.

Despite the seemingly monarchial nature of the DD lifestyle, it still in my opinion about partnership. I bless my husband with comfort and care and fullfill his needs. I give him things a child never could. Thus, he honors me and thanks me for it. He appreciates me fore it and it helps him to give me the things I need in a husband. I am not a child to him, I'm a partner, a lover, a best friend. So even though he make take my discipline into his hands, I trust him with this power over me, and embrace it. Likewise, he does not abuse it by treating me in silly ways like this.

Part of what helps me so much is for him to hold me responsible and treat me like the adult I am. When we go out in public, I'm in control of myself. I'm an adult, I make my own choices while respecting my husband (as he does for me), and I need these things. I need a length of independence and trust, which I do have and earn.

This was a hard hump to get over, and when my HOH would slip back into using the degrading, parent/child tone and I felt he wasn't seeing me as a wife, I'd gently remind him of how it made me feel. Though this isn't completely his problem either. The desire for me to not be treated like a child and spoken down to encourages me to be more adult. Thus, I'm am on better behavior because his respect for me is inspiring and I don't want him to go back to treating me this way. To be honest, it makes me much more aware of my disobedience and shame over my actions when my husband address me as his wife. He sees me as an adult, and so I'd better act like one! When he uses his adult voice, towards an adult, and speaks seriously, there is nothing more firm than that. It forces me to remember: I'm a grown up, he's giving me the honor of treating me with respect, and I need to give that back.

~ Just in case any of you women were having the same hang up as we once did. Perhaps not all DD wives feel this way... but it definitely has improved us.

12 Comments:

At 3/10/2006 7:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the good laugh. Wonderful satire. Do people ever think is for real? Obviously no intelligent woman would.

 
At 3/16/2006 4:15 AM, Blogger C's Correction said...

Dear Emmy,

I miss the sincerity and sweetness of your writing. Every time I visit I keep hoping for a new post, but alas... :(

I hope you don't find me too pushy saying this? Perhaps you have been very busy? Or perhaps misguided people like the rude person who left you the above comment have put you off blogging?
Emmy, we are in a very small minority and therefore, it is imperative we stick together. It is vital that we embrace and support each other in the LDD community. So that our sincerity about this lifestyle can radiate out to everyone who comes in contact with us.

Isolation, criticism and negative comments can wear heavy on a person. There have been occasions when I have felt really cut up about a nasty remark. :(
As a community we will feel strong - we have each other to lean on when the going gets tough.

Sorry if I write in a familiar tone, but the style, tone and honesty of your writing makes me feel a link with you.

I would very much like to link you to my blog. Would you be agreeable to this?

Sincerely,
C

 
At 4/19/2006 8:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a woman who is now graduating from what was once a male-dominated field, in a cohort made up primarily of women (i.e. medicine), I can't understand how an apparently intelligent woman would question her intelligence and responsability to the point of becoming a spineless sentinel for her husband's authority.
What ever happened to equal partners in marriage?
Your blog has made me ashamed to be a woman.

 
At 5/06/2006 11:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Emmy,

Sorry to see nasty comments from people with no understanding. This is my first visit to your blog. I hope you keep it going. We need sensible questioning voices in our community.
I've been happily married for 18 yrs. My brat, who is asleep with a warm red bottom at this moment, is a hardworking intelligent executive at a multi-national corporation. I respect, admire, cherish and like her. She's my best friend and best advisor.
But, sometimes, in fact usually, before a spanking, I talk to her like a child. I chastise her with lectures so grating that I irritate myself when I'm doing it. I make her wear childish panties to her spanking.
When my wife accepts this humbling by her husband with grace and true submissiveness, it allows me to spank her as a child, not like a child. The difference is huge.
My sexuality shuts down. Kids turn me off. And, a lot of my anger is dissolved just by the sight of her obedience.
I can still be a strict but loving dominant husband and not have to turn into a thug to enforce our fully agreed upon marital discipline. The spankings are easier in general and just as effective.
The submissive women I've known, I'm 59 and G. is 39, have all responded to lecture as part of punishment. When properly done, a woman feels more emotionally protected and finds submission easier (idealized Daddy being even easier to trust with open emotions than idealized Husband).
Your need to be spanked started before birth, but had special awakening moments in childlife that you will never seperate your adult character entirely from her.
It comes with Rhumba panties, lap sitting and cuddles. Give it a chance.
If your childhood stank, as so many do, you can add even more depth to your marriage by the willing acceptance of temporary reduction to a lesser position within your marriage; that of child to parent.
I can judge the behavior of a child. But, who am I to pass judgement on the conduct of my amazingly competent wife and companion. If she does some little thing that irks me, so what? Women who never allow their men to discipline them as children are asking the guys to be supermen and rightious judgers of adult conduct.
On average, your average guy is average. DD wives often expect too much of their husbands. Most men seem to find fatherly dominance, raather than masterly dominance, to be more loving, more reciprical, more enduring and more authentic.
Your Daddy can be a schmo and you are still able to love and obey him. Not so, your lord and master, if you have any dignity.
There, now how's that for a lecture, young lady. I'll check back soon to see if you've noticed my post.
Best of luck in everything, Emmy, keep on asking questions and seeking.
My Brat comes to me as a child and that lets me put down a heavy load.

 
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At 3/27/2007 7:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 7/15/2007 11:10 PM, Blogger Emmyson said...

You say: "I can't understand how an apparently intelligent woman would question her intelligence and responsibility to the point of becoming a spineless sentinel for her husband's authority.
What ever happened to equal partners in marriage?
Your blog has made me ashamed to be a woman."

Believe me, I'm all for the rights women have worked hard to achieve. But honestly, I feel sorry for you. :-(
There is something truly rewarding in how I am "taken in hand" and disciplined. It fulfills me. I am happier because of it. This blog is merely meant to chronicle my achievements as a submissive wife. And I CHOOSE to be submissive. It feels good. Women are strong and courageous and to be respected, yes! And my HOH DOES respect me. But part of the reason why is because he sees me as a strong lover and affectionate counterpart to his natural desire and nature to lead and control. I LOVE that about us. We work together so harmoniously. Its beautiful. I submit, he gently leads.

Try is sometime. It's beautiful.

 

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