Handing Over the Remote

There are a few "rules" between the HOH and me that we have actually formed together. Keep this in mind as I describe to you one seemingly controversial rule that we have embraced. Don't freak out! I have handed the control of my sex over to my husband. I have entrusted him with the responsibility of being it's "keeper".

Stop reading now if you're easily offended, naive, or don't wish to know about my deliciously submissive sex life. It may be surprising, but the following outlines why my sex life is so great, although the concept of his rule might confuse you.

I expect many anti-sub women or even men to tell me this is the epitomy of sexual slavery, but I assure you it is not. I have free will- probably more than you.

Remarkably, when it comes to my HOH and I (whom I lovingly refer to as my darling hubby), I am the more sexually demanding one. Typically we think of the men as being the ones who can never "get enough". But it is actually me who is this way between the two of us. Unfortunately, the only way I can achieve orgasm is with the help of a vibrator, or my "loving hubby". While orgasms are important to all married couples and a healthy, non-shameful activity that should be shared with each other- I have to admit I sometimes cross the line.

Although my HOH loves sex and intimacy with me, he isn't as demanding of it as I am. He has a lot more self discipline and respect. In fact, I am the first to admit that I get out of hand. Sex is a beautiful thing that you deserve to have with your spouse. It is my belief that it is selfish to either withhold it from your spouse, or act upon it when your spouse isn't there to share it with you.

So on the occassion that I decide to pull out my bag of tricks when the HOH is away, it is an act that I should be, and usually am, punished for.

I owe that to my husband, and it is not sexual slavery, because we both acknowledge that he owes it to me as well. He's just a lot better at having the self-disicpline to do so (which is why he's the HOH in the first place ;) )

So yes, I have to admit, our "rule" that we both agreed on and admit the need for is that I need to ask before recieving pleasure. To get me used to it and keep me in this mindset, I also ask even when we are intimate together. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but asking for the permission to orgasm is incredibly submissive. I've found it to be another to be submissive that helps me to grow and bond with my husband. The HOH adores the idea of me handing over the right of my pleasure to him. He has not taken advantage of this gift either. It's a great, respectful way to express to him how very serious I am about being responsible and obedient to him. I assure you, it takes a lot of will power to actually go through with it.

There are even times when I foolishly forget or decide to be a brat and not ask. I'm the one who ends up paying for this. It's me who ends up ashamed and dissappointed in me, not him. In a strange way, I almost feel like it is hurtful too, a slap in the face. Needless to say, I work really hard at this specific aspect of our marriage and have gotten better at it.

Although the nature of this rule seems purely sexual as well, I do want to stress that our domestic discipline lifestyle is not just about sex. I reflect the same obedience (or should) in many other aspects as well. Among his other rules are: asking permission to spend any meaningful amount of money (over $25), asking permission to drink alcohol, asking permission to go out with guy friends or groups. All of these rules have one specific point: for my HOH to protect me. So I submit to them knowing that he's not trying to be a control freak, but take care of me- his precious spouse (awww!) While the rule to ask to have an orgasm doesn't seem like it's protecting me- it is and it's even more important than the others. It's protecting me and my husband by protecting our marriage: it creates respect for our need of intimacy together as husband and wife. I am ashamed that this is something I even have to work at.

Why do I trust him with such a gift? That's easy. I'm blessed to have an HOH who is rather aware and attentive to my needs. Rarely has he ever denied me when were are in bed together. I am always kept satisfied by my lover, my husband.

We also do this to help keep my submission in the bedroom as well as outside of it. I admit I really have to work at remembering not to be selfish, that I need to save that part of myself for him- when we can both be together and enjoy it.

We didn't even have sex until we were married. This is a unique gift that I'm sad not many people get to experience these days. But it's been over a year since our wedding night, and still I am overwhelmed by the need for him to be inside me. It is most magnificent. I often feel like I can never open my legs wide enough to him. Although I am unable, thus far, to orgasm merely by him being inside of me, the sheer feeling of this act is incredibly stimulating. It's empowering to be able to complete him and give him this gift of pleasure with my body. And he always saves himself for me, I'm honored. I have respect for him for this, and so I submit and give him the control and trust him to see to my pleasure as well.

He's better than I am at it.

I can't imagine marriage if we didn't live it like it's supposed to be: a partnership.

The Look

There's a look my HOH gives me, and I just know that another swat is added on. It's like a counter.

In public I tend to sass other people, and am frequently selfish. Sometimes I'll just rudely demand my HOH's attention by pinching him...Or maybe some other careless offense like forgetting to do the chore he pointed out for me.

But at the end of the day, he seems to tally it up and make sure I know where I went wrong. Patiently he'll talk to me in bed, hold me and stroke my cheek while he tells me my offenses if any, and asks whether I see how they were wrong.

Sometimes I'll disagree, he'll listen if he permits me to voice my opinion about my supposed offense and then I either get out of it or I don't. It's about 50-50. Or sometimes I'm not allowed to argue any...

Once he's done talking about it, he tells me quietly to turn over (because I'm probably laying on my back in his arms) and either I do, or I don't and he tells me I earned a couple more. Once on my stomach he lays next to me and wraps his legs around mine. His hand strokes my back and falls towards my bottom where he finds the hem of my panties and pulls it to my thighs. If my hands aren't above my head by then they better get there soon or else it's the wrist straps that are linked together for me! These seem harsh but there have been times where I've intercepted his swats for a friendlier high five.

If my wrists are strapped together I am just more embarassed of my faults, and I am remorseful. The spanking starts and if I lay still for him he alternates cheeks; otherwise, he picks one and goes with it. On the especially stinging ones, I usually whimper or wriggle.

So far, I've never passed 20 (generally I'm a good girl), but I'm sure at some point I will. Once it's over he pulls my panties back up and pulls me close to him and we lay together and talk.

I know it's over for now, until tomorrow, when perhaps I'll get "The Look" again.

Terminology

In my blog and on other DD related sites, you'll run across various terminology. Here's a key to help you decode the lingo:

DD: domestic discipline, the lifestyle couples practice which involves the man taking a dominant role and the female taking a submissive role and accepting punishment and rules from her husband as a means of having a respectful, loving marriage.

HOH: head of the household, typically the male figure in the family is deamed the "head of the household" meaning he makes the decisions, is a leader, and lovingly guides his family with the help and trusting support of his submissive, nurturing wife.

DH: dear/darling/dumb/etc. husband, DH isn't just a DD term, many women use it online as a short for "husband". Most of the time it means dear husband, but it has also been known to describe dumb husband and a couple other four letter words- so for the most part, DDers stick to HOH.

D/s: dominating/submission or dominator/submissive, another term used to define the type of lifestyle in which a couple has a dominant partner and a submissive partner who play out these roles in daily life. The D is capitalized while the s is left lower case in symbolism of their roles in the relationship.

Fetish: a sexual obsession. I don't describe DD as a fetish because it is NOT a sex thing. Although sex is a big part of our relationship, and naturally yes we bring my submission and HOH's dominance in the bedroom, it's our lifestyle. A fetish describes more of a sexual preoccupation with certain objects or fantasies.

BDSM: bondage/ discipline (or sometimes dominance)/ sadism/ masochism, a sexual fetish which involves elements of the four factors listed (sadism, masochism, etc.). Please note: my HOH and I do not practice BDSM, nor do we agree with it's typical practices. Most DD dites will clarify that they are not BDSM. Most of those couples that practice DD will tell you that BDSM is a very different idea, mostly a fetish in the bedroom only, whereas DD is a lifestyle designed to promote and create a healthy marriage/relationship through loving discipline.

Maledom: male domination, this term is typically only used in the world of BDSM or along with fetishes, but it basically describes the practice of, duh?, male domination.

Femdom: female domination, also typically only used with BDSM and fetishes.

Maintenance Spankings: these are spankings, or other sometimes other forms of maintenance punsihments, that are used by the HOH to help his wife remember she is held accountable for her actions during every day life. An HOH may give his submissive wife a spanking in the morning before he leaves for work, even if she has done nothing to deserve it, simply to show her he is serious about her being obedient even when he is away. Some HOHs schedule these once a week or some administer them only when they feel it's necessary. Most submissive wives agree to spankings/punishment even when they haven't done anything wrong (yet) because they know it helps them look up to their HOH and realize he will enforce the rules if she choses to break them.

Figging: although we've never practiced this because we believe the anal area sensitive and easily injured, this practice is used by some HOHs as a form of painful punishment. Figging is when a peeled ginger root is placed in the anus to promote a stinging, painful sensation. If you are interested in trying this, I suggest you do your research as to not injure yourself or your wife. Thankfully, my HOH thinks it's a silly for of punishment that we wouldn't be able to take seriously.

If you have another term you don't see listed here but would like explained, please post a comment and I'd be happy to list it.

After Hours

When the HOH gets home, I have to be ready for anything he might desire. A slave you say? No, just a wife who loves her husband so much that she agrees to his whims and desires, knowing and trusting him to be equally selfless (only he can do it without the discipline, go figure).

So when I hear his footsteps, hear him come in, I get excited. Maybe he'll walk past me towards the kitchen for a drink. Maybe he'll come in, kiss me, and continue on to the bedroom to change. Maybe he'll see me, command me to bend over the kitchen counter and relieve himself after a long day (surely to make sure I'm equally satisfied or promise me the later I'll get a treat as well). Or perhaps he'll command me to bend over the counter, reach up my skirt/pull down my pants, and spank me for forgetting to call him back after leaving a message for me to call when I get home to make sure I got there and back ok... after which he'll pull me onto his lap and kiss me, or call me beautiful, and I'll apologize for making him worry.

He's fair, so I trust him. But it does keep me on edge.

Sadly, I know some women aren't so lucky. Not all husbands are as attentive as mine, or as caring and selfless. Some husbands hit their wives, unfortunately, and out of anger. So evil, not loving, not what we were designed to be. I feel so blessed to have a husband who cares about me and my safety, and who fullfills his marital responsibilities and holds me accountable for mine.

Sometimes in bed -after he's penetrated me and released his seed into me, given me pleasure, and fallen asleep next to me so he can get to work the next day to provide for us- I'll stroke his chest and say a prayer, "Thank you for this man."

How the HOH Benefits

Marriage, after all, is supposed to be a selfless relationship. So despite the fact that all the DD sites seem to stress how important it is for the wife to be disciplined, there are actually a lot of ways in which the Mister benefits too...

My HOH would be described as a sensitive, personable, funny man who is closer to the women in his family than the men. He cried with me watching The Notebook, so can you see how before our DD lifestyle was born, it was sometimes difficult for me to look up to him?

My lack of "lookingupness" triggered feelings within him as well. I demanded attention, everything was MY way, and there were no rules or boundries. It was hard to see him as a masculine figure because I was ruling the roost and dominating everyone and their coffee pots. It is not at all surprising that my husband felt "pussy whipped" at times. (I just hate that term, but it's the best word there was...)

So believe me, when we embarked on our newfounded DD marriage together, the changes I saw within my new HOH were incredibly uplifting: for BOTH of us.

HOH's confidence was restored, I looked up to him and admired him in ways I never knew possible. He was more comfortable, and willing to give me more affection because I wasn't commanding the household like a jerk.

Suddenly, marriage was a partnership.

Now this seems ironic because the whole idea of me submitting doesn't really seem to create a partnership, but rather a monarchy in the other direction. But like I've said before: the whole point of marriage is that you complete each other. We couldn't both be leaders! And while we're equal- which I stress because most people who hear of DD freak out about how women worked for centuries to establish equality- we have different responsibilities.

The secret was, I was able to humble myself enough to step down and let my husband take his natural palce. (And I still have trouble with the humbling, which is why I'm thankful for the spankings to help me remember my place.) and I took my natural place. And now we appreciate each other for, like, the first time ever. Soooo refreshing...

So yes, it is ironic isn't it? In my seemingly less important role, we're really establishing harmony and equality in the home. Every life is important. A child is just as important as it's mother, but that doesn't mean the child is suited for the responsibility the mother takes on. Get it?

So now my HOH is happier, nicer, more loving, charming, masculine, just what I need. And the frequent spankings not only help me, they help my husband too. He's able to resestablish and confirm control and authority, and also relieve some pent up anger that would otherwise be held in. Though he does not strike me in anger, he is angry that he needs to discipline me and that I mess up.

Oh how I love him...

Emmy's FAQ

Q: Are you abused?

A: No. Trust me. Emmy's hubby loves her very much, and he does not mistake discipline for abuse or discipline out of anger. Emmy could stop him at any time, but she choses not to because she needs her spankings and disciplines. Sometimes she squirms or tries to get out of it, but he doesn't let her, and she is thankful for it in the end. Emmy and her HOH love each other sooo much.

Q: Why do you submit when your "HOH" has all the control?

A: Firstly, Emmy gives him the control, and is happier for it too! Emmy believes man and women are beautiful creatures, created and designed to complete each other. But what would be the point of partnership if you both didn't need each other for completion? Thus, our Creator made us equal, but VERY different. And Emmy and her HOH embrace that. They think it's beautiful, and are not threatened by it. Rather, Emmy gladly surrenders control to her HOH, since he is naturally designed to handle it. Likewise, Emmy takes care of the nurtuting and beautiful feminine side. HOH couldn't do it without Emmy, and Emmy couldn't do it with out her HOH. Luckily, they both realize it, so this is not HOH just being some macho chauvanist. Emmy proudly submits to HOH because it makes her happy, their relationship harmonious, and takes a huge weight off her shoulders so she doesn't have to worry- it's his job to provide and protect! Yay.

Q: Are the spankings really necessary?

A: Yes. Emmy knows she gets out of hand without them, and it's the ultimate reassurance that HOH will take care of her, and needs her trust. Not every couple has to spank to carry out a healthy D/s relationship (the most natural relationship, in Emmy's opinion!) but it does help a lot since Emmy and HOH were both raised in a society that teaches women to rebel against their natural femininity. In the end (no pun inteneded) the spanking help Emmy be a better person, and she knows it.

Q: Is this just some kinky sex thing?

A: Nope. Emmy and HOH took it out of the bedroom a long time ago, they don't use spankings for foreplay. Spankings are serious results from when Emmy gets out of hand. In bed, however, their natural places as husband and wife take place beautifully in some forms. Emmy really enjoys submitting in bed and pleasing her HOH, and she's found that when she does so, her HOH returns to the love 100% and makes sure she's well cared for in all respects. Before Emmy and her HOH embraced this lifestyle as the most natural form, they fought in bed, were selfish, and didn't care about the other's pleasure. It was sad.

Q: How often is Emmy spanked?

A: Every night almost. Sometimes she gets off lucky (although she often regrets that) and HOH forgets. But most everynight Emmy is asked to lay down for her HOH, and she does knowing full well what is coming. He spanks her depending on her day- how much did she disrespect him? Or disrespect herself? Talk back? and so on and so forth. She also recieves maintenance spankings which help her remember to be good when her HOH is gone. Usually these occur once a week. There are a few other forms of discipline HOH uses with Emmy, they include taking away her privilages (computer, etc) and no sexual release if she fools around without him during the day. She gladly surrenders her body to HOH as he does to her as well. Thus, they aren't to please themselves alone. Emmy gets out of hand sometimes, and HOH reminds her through discipline that it's his right as a husband to be with her in all her sexual adventures. Emmy feels guilty over this since her HOH is always good about saving his "fun" for her as well...but she's learning!

Q: You mean your husband controls when you masturbate?

A: Yes, and Emmy started this rule! But she's no "slave", he allows her the free will to do it when she pleases, but she wants to be held accountable when she doesn't include him in their most intimate marital relationship. It's not fair, after all. Emmy loves giving him this gift more than any other, so she willingly submits to his control over her sexual release- why? Because she trusts him. Like I said, he always makes sure she's taken care of, and is not selfish in the slightest. So why shouldn't she trust him?

Q: I think you're messed up.

A: That's not a question, but a valid concern. Emmy is happily married, loves her husband, feels more loved than ever, enjoys a chivalrous & intimate relationship with her husband, respects her husband, her husband respects and cherishes her. Why are you concerned? There's no need for that. She's more free than ever, and loves submission and the masculinity her husband has. It's beautiful!

Q: Why are you talking in third person?

A: Emmy likes it.

Got more questions? Write a comment.

Take it Like a Woman!

Our DD lifestyle first originated in the bedroom. For some reason, it's not as taboo in the bedroom as it is in everyday life- so understandably that's where we started first.

Even today, several months into our DD marriage, it's still a challenge for me to remember everyday, every moment, that I am to be obedient for my husband, my HOH. This starts when I wake up in the mornings, because going to bed after a good spanking, it's easier to forget.

So I wake in the morning, go about my day as usually until, whether an hour into my day or an hour before my HOH gets home, I come across a challenge. Something presents itself in which I must chose: to obey or not to obey?

The answer is different every time. Either I feel he won't find out... or perhaps I want to be spanked because I'm feeling a little insecure... or maybe I feel he's wrong to expect me to act a certain way in that instance?

And everyday I mess up. It's a given. Today I completely abandoned the one single chore he asked me to do all week. I simply forgot, other things were more important to me. (I'm a horrible housekeeper!) So today's answer is: I can be expecting a few extra swats tonite.

Turn on? Yes, it's a terrific and intriuging show of his masculinity; but only until he really pulls me to him and has me lay down for him. And at that point I will be humbled and become sincerely regretful and embarassed of my actions, which is the goal, and which wouldn't happen unless he really did follow through with the spanking. Now do you see my need for this?

Much like how a child is disciplined: for their own good. Only unlike a child, I have the maturity to say, "Yes I deserve and need this discipline", so I willingly lay down and present my bottom on command. In the rare instance where I do struggle, or fuss and fight his loving discipline he needs to give me- later I'm embarassed that I didn't lay down and take it like a woman!

Emmy's Submission

Submitting to my husband (the HOH, head of household) is bittersweet. Last night he called me to bed, off the computer, to lay down on my stomach for him. He laid next to me and pulled my bright pink Viki's panties down off my buttocks. I didn't bother counting the spanks. It's so embarassing but I have to admit, Emmy deserves it! He'd even forgot for a couple days.

As my HOH, it's his right to spank when he pleases. I have no argument against him because I willingly give him my submission- he takes it from there. HOH is patient with me for the most part, and allows me to have sexual satisfation whenever I please- as long as I ask first. He always puts me before him, which is why the spanks are necessary. I am a better wife because of them.

I'll turn 21 in a few months, HOH already is. But we've already been together 5 years! Only been having sex since we were married- at which point I gave him my body willingly and submit. It's beautiful. And painful.

We have no kids, but I imagine I'll still be needing discipline even after they come. We'll have kids when he decides we're ready, and after making sure I'm okay with it. Then I'll be their leader as my husband is my leader. I'm not abused, nor am I a slave. I'm cherished and taken care of. I'm held accountable for my actions, and I'm comforted by HOH after he reddens my bum, and than I thank him for it. Because even though I hate it in the moment, his spankings and loving disciplines: they ground me.

So considerate and loving, my husband...